Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Don't actually touch me

I love you all as humans. Our fellowship and friendship, the whole idea that we are one sperm in a million that happened to come into being, and exist at this point in time on this planet together...it all gives me reason to love you. But, if you don't mind...please don't touch me with your body.

I'm cool to hug you if you're crying and stuff, in that "I'm-going-to-make-you-safe-from-everything-else" way, but really I'm not going to hear a thing that you blubber into my shoulder after that. If we make sustained eye-contact, or you touch my hand in that sympathy "I-understand" way, I won't hear a thing you say to reassure me. I might stop crying, but that's because I'm distracted by your body invading my bubble. REALLY.

I like people. I love people. I just don't want anyone close enough to smell what I had for lunch. You girls really need to bring it down a notch. (No offense, I know it's me and not you.) But fer realz, we don't need to hold each other if you live 10 minutes away and I'm going to probably see you in a week. Hugs are for people you've known for 20 years that you've not seen in 5 years. That's okay if you really miss one another....even then...

I guess some people are just more physical when it comes to their emotions. I'm trying to work with that. I'm more intellectual. A great intellectual conversation is better than physical contact to me. Hugs and hand-holding and kisses don't produce the same results as being inspired and driven by new ideas and shared interests.

People are great. And hugs are great. But don't hug me or touch me unless you really mean it and it means something at the moment, or you cheapen the gesture. Hold me if I'm dying or crying or something, but don't touch me with your body just because we're better friends than a handshake.

Also, don't sit so close to me that your thigh touches my thigh. It's seriously hard to listen to you when I'm concentrating on my butt-fluff not touching yours. If I don't have the room to scoot over and you keep talking, I'm probably going to say I need to use the bathroom even if I don't need to pee. There. I said it. ;)